writing does not stand in a vacuum

One's writing, that is what one writes and when one writes depend very much on one's state of mind. What happens, who said what and how affect one's emotional state and the desire to write creatively. It has been a tough few weeks for me. Mixed with a few good days, the bad ones just kept on coming back. My writing was affected big time. Central to these unhappy times was the reaction to the passing of the Information Bill. The discourse that was out there showed to me that my country has a far way to go to non-racialism. The way the racists reared their heads during this debate is sickening. I believe now that we will never get rid of them, when a racist dies, he/she makes sure that there is already another one taking his/her place. So one has to confront racism, do not pretend that it does not exist. I am surrounded by racists. Some are in one's face and some's are only visible when they turn their backs. Racism, "swart gevaar" tactics is alive and well in South Africa and I believe in the world! To them I say "bugger off, we can get along without you"

Songs to struggle with

We live in different times that is what he said and  I hope that is what he meant.

Now that we the former strugglers are in government we will have to accept our flaws. When we were soldiers fighting our heroic deeds hid our weaknesses, nobody had time to point them out, there was a bigger task at hand. Now we are free and there is nothing that can hide those flaws within us. And that is what we will have to accept. We could be prejudiced, we can be racist, we are capitalistic, we are selfish, in short there is no struggle to hide our mistakes, our faults. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this, we are human beings. The big thing though is to accept this. The big thing is that the struggle goes on and if there are songs sung against injustice, against corruption and greed, they are now also sung against us, although we sang these very same songs in our struggle, others may sang these songs against us – and this we must accept. We should not look for false notes in these songs, if it was good enough then these songs should be good enough now – we wanted those songs to tickle the conscience of the unjust, these songs should now tickle our conscience. Let us live in such a way that we can keep on singing these songs, let us not stop the flow of the chords!

Today 3 November 2011

I am hard at work. Feel good about myself, working on my health, try to eat healthy. Aging is really a battle, not only is there war with one’s aches and pains, the changing figure creates new and different facts that I have to live with. Ah, but the opposite is also true. It is wonderful to be accepting of one’s changing figure and face, combined with the improved self-confidence, understanding of life and the world, one cannot but reflect with ease on day to day life. I understand so much more. I love so much more albeit in different ways. I am open to so much more. Gone is the narrow-minded thinking, the seeing of black and white only, ignorant of the grey! It is good to grow older, in fact, it is a blessing! Amandla!

It is lunchtime and I just had the most delicious piece of hake from Val’s Catering services here on our campus. There is just no way that anyone can beat the way Val’s Catering fries their fish. I also had a cup of soup that I made last night. It was a rather creatively mixed pot of soup I attempted last night. Thanks goodness it came out as a super supper! Yay, me and my cooking skills, still learning!

The days ahead will be full. I have to plan thoroughly. Will keep you posted.

Sondagaand, die maan hang soos 'n stuk kaas in die lug, dis koel en stil. Seer sekerlik het almal hul sakkies gepak, klere gestryk en met skoongewaste hare in die bed geklim, op wag, vir Maandag. Maandag lê altyd soos 'n berg voor my. Ek kyk hom lank aan en wens hom weg, maar hy bly daar en loodvoet pak ek hom aan wanneer die tyd, te gou kom. Dit is die Sondagaand wat ons langer wil vashou, wil strek tot daar waar ons nie meer kan nie. Dit is die stilte in die Sondag wat ons koester want dit is die Sondag wat ons met onsself verkeer, kop skoonmaak en uitgooi wat nie behoort. Maar die teenoorgestelde is ook waar, dit is op die Sondagaand wanneer ons gekonfronteer word met die nie-lekker van die lewe, die nie-lekker wat baie maal op die Maandagoggend hervat moet word. Ons klim met ons liggame in daardie Maandagoggend en ry hom al stampend en stotend totdat vyfuur kom. En as dit oor is haal ons weer vrylik asem en wonder waaroor al die bohaai was. Maar Sondagaand kom weer en ons klim daardie trein al sukkelend die Maandagoggend en voltooi die reis.
Sondagaand, lieflike aand... hier wil ek stop.

It is Sunday afternoon. The month is on its knees, soon to be on its back.

The funeral of Ricardo January (my nephew, 32 years of age) will be remembered for the many young people who were there, their sad faces and his mom's heartbreak. He lay at peace in his white coffin. May God grant him eternal peace.

Last night was also the birthday party of my friend, Gay-Lucille Hendricks, the sister of one of my bestest friends Selena Boonzaaier. My poem for Gay was spot-on I think. She loved it. I met many people but the best was to connect with old friends.

What a Sunday. Springrain and the quiet of the Sunday air just do it for me. The lovely lunch cooked by my sister Rugshana has completed this day for me. Now I need to go walk and just drink in the beauty of the Cape Town landscape.

Time for me to get back to the books and see if I can produce anything, I promised the readers a poem and don't want to post an old one, it must be fresh from the oven. There is so much going through my head right now, I hope I can focus and bring forth something that can make people think.

Till later.

Springcleaning...

Today 26 October 2011 I had a burst of energy last night. I washed a load of washing that was begging to be washed for a long time now. It was great to feel energetic and positive about where I was going to. Even though I was tired after that marathon task I went to bed with a smile. Washing clothes was never one of my favourite tasks. I prefer to stand and iron while listening to good music. I am also springcleaning my relationships, picking up forgotten ones and letting go of the "vrot" ones. What a nice feeling it leaves me with. Firstly, I feel in control of my life and secondly I saw how the bad apples in my life were affecting me. The other part that needs springcleaning is my mindset as far as writing creatively is concerned. I need to be more disciplined, force myself to write poetry, on my novel, a play,I need to think straight, focus - maybe I am focusing on too many things at once. From now on I want to focus on my writing, want to write great poetry, a good book, inspiring play, I just want to write! I want to be a source of enjoyment, a source of reflection, I want to be a source of soul-searching! I want to be a writer who hungers to write every day. I want to.... Soon I will start publishing poetry and short stories on this blog. So friends be on the lookout. I cannot say if you will be delighted or disappointed but I know I will have to give you a poem soon! OK not much left to say, let us speak on the 27th... Diana

Today 24 October 2011

Spring finds it difficult to land. She must be hovering above unable to land. It was a coolish day, drops of rain fell on my car window, not enough though for me to call it rain. In spite of what I have just said, I must confess I love the cool weather. The heat makes me tired and lame. I like the crisp air that pushes me a little. It is like medicine, the minty taste of the tablet... Now if I can work out how to manage my time at home I will be more than satisfied. I feel demotivated, cannot string even a small four line poem together. I am even to lazy to post a proper facebook message. So, though I know where this hails from or what makes it worse I was taught that I should refuse that and get my head right. Ok, I am sitting and thinking on how I can rid myself of inaction. I am waiting, please tell me! OK, I hope my picture will be posted here... I am fiddling around and find a few surprises here! Goodnite!

Difficult times, my cousin's son passed away at the age of 32 years. Death is around, but I would still ask that "death not be proud even though some may called Thee mighty and dreadful".

Yesterday we laid Jo-anne Petersen ala "Controversy" rapper, songwriter, journalist to rest at the age of 34. The church was packed with her peers, most of them dressed in their funky clothes, some dj's, rappers. Two of her artists friends Carla Diamond and Natasha Tafari sang and said a poem for her respectively. In front of me a young man, dressed in his funky shirt and pants with hair tied in a ponytail could not stop crying. How much of them did I know, I asked myself. I realized that I am one of the guilty ones that brush off our young because their art is different to ours. Yesterday I was well and truly shown up. These are young, respectable artists that work hard to inspire, influence and criticize. May the spirit of Joa-anne live forever in their hearts, carry on young rappers, dj's songwriters, you are indeed heard and embraced.

Good nite

"Death be not proud though some may have called Thee mighty and dreadful Though are not so.."

Dealing with death is never easy. Tonight my heart goes out to three families that have lost siblings/father/mother/daughter younger than fifty. May they find peace and consolation in the Highest's work.

My eldest brother James who died in May 2002 was a great fan of Muammar Ghaddafi, wonder what he would have said at the killing of his hero. Rest in peace Muammar, may you find peace in the arms of the Almighty.

On a night like this it is never easy to spill out words. Good night.

Again no time to blog during the day. Now is the busy time at university, students walking in and out of my office. Yes, now they are looking for the 2%, the 4% that they need to enable them to write exams. I of course feel sorry for them but do believe that if they were serious they would have come earlier, query and question, then resolve, what will the way forward be? It is not easy to watch those faces, I hope those whom I have seen will change their attitude. I wish them all of the best.One learns through one's mistakes.

Natuurlik is ek die een wat laaste moet praat. Maar ek het darem my graad voltooi. Nou moet ek boeke lees en daaroor skryf. Of ek dit doen is die vraag. Ek kan na niemand toe gaan nie, kan net myself bejammer! So ok, ek moet vanaand lees en rustig wees.

Soos belowe rapporteer ek op my eetgewoonte. Ek kan met trots sê het nou vir twee dae nie na 8.30 geeët nie. Let wel ek het gesê dat dit agtuur in die aand sal wees maar het in my swakheid die spertyd verskuif na 8.30. I hope you bear with me!

I quite like this blogging. I know someone will read it and whilst reading will engage me, will know more about me, will want to know more about me. Besides, I am practising my writing skill again. I discovered again how the keyboard feels, that light touch of the finger-tips, the brain that works and the words that run!

There is much happening in the world and in my country. My president says there was an assasination plot against him when he was still deputy-president. Well, I take what he says with a pinch of salt, Mr Conspiracy-theory himself. He will have to deal with the corrupt ministers that are giving the honest ones a bad name! Eish! that is all I will say.

Good night!

18 October 2011
It is raining. Early evening in Spring and showers come and go. It is also his birthday, the cousin whom we never see, not even at funerals. He is like a lone bird in the big sky. No one knows where he sleeps at night or why he does not make contact. Sometimes he is seen on his bicycle, the bicycle that is always with him. They say he is totally grey and that his cheeks are sunken. I wonder what goes on in his head. Why does he prefer to be alone. Is there something about life that he learnt that we never did? So on his birthday today I wonder whether he is wondering about his family the way we wonder about him.

The end of another day. Today 17th October was an uneventful day. Great day at work, finished off some queries, gave students advice, both prospective students and current ones. A young student came into my office during the morning to chat. Students like to do that. She saw me on tv last week and wanted to come and talk about her heritage. She said that she was absolutely sure that she was Khoisan. Her grandfather was from Kimberley and she wanted to go there and find out more. She stays in Delft, one of our communities where poverty and crime rule. This student was worried about our youth of today. Their aimless wandering and don't care attitude had a root I told her. Our people were not told or were not allowed to know who they are. Some of our old people died never knowing where they came from. We should break this cycle I said. We should make an earnest effort to find out and educate others about it. Then I told her about Dawid Stuurman and how he fought as the last chief of the Khoikhoi for their land, for their sanity. Captured by the British after defying them twice (he escaped from Robben Island twice), he was sent to Australia where he died in 1830. I told her about the slaves who came to the Cape from as far as India, Malaysia, Indonesia, Madagascar, Mozambique, Ghana and Angola. We talked about the names that were given to our people, the names of the months in which they were sold in, Mr January, Mrs October!
She told me that some of her friends tell her that we have no culture, no roots. I told her that those friends obviously have no clue about the history of our country. Such statements show their ignorance. She should tell them that, tell them that they are suffering from a lack of knowledge and that is dangerous, rather than making her feel inferior with false knowledge they should go for a history lesson.
In this country we need to tell stories of our ancestors, although nothing much was written and the little bits that were written were banned or ridiculed. We should unearth our true story and tell it to our children. We desperately need to claim our "self", the rich self, with diverse roots, a mixture so "pure"! Ha, ha, ha! So much for the purists who define us as products of the "crossing of a sacred boundary"!

Our Dept had a photo-shoot. Postgraduate students and colleagues posed with their most beautiful smiles. Hopefully our website will look much better with our smiling faces on the walls!

My godson is studying sound engineering. I am glad that I could help him. He needed some instruments for one or other project. I bought a small marimba at the festival in Grahamstown a few years ago and he was delighted to hear its sound. I also borrowed him my drum and shaker but forgot to tell him about my rainstick!

Whilst visiting my friends tonight my nephew and his wife and daughter came around with their cute little son, Uthmaan who is nearly a month old. It was so good to see him, he has the cutest dimples and long legs! Although he is so young I managed to get a smile out of him by talking to him in baby language! What is that?

Tonight will be the first night that I will not eat after eight. I am punishing my body unnecessarily. So toast, jam, chocholate, tea, cooldrink get out of my way! I will report on my progress!!

Goodnight my friends.

Listening to Radio Sonder Grense (an old Afrikaans radio station in South Africa) on a Sunday afternoon, don’t know how long I will still. Although I enjoy it, it takes me completely back to dark days.  I can count the good Sundays I had as a child on my fingers.  Weekends were tough times in my house.  I did not really want to say this so publicly but have to. So listening to RSG on this Sunday afternoon brings back memories of how I wanted to get away, wishing the unpleasantness away. Then listening to the radio would make me sadder. There was beautiful music and the greetings people sent to each other, they sounded so happy, their lives so together. But I knew that I was not one of them, not only because I was unhappy in my house but because it was engineered that I could not be one of those that wrote greetings, my name be heard. I was an outsider in my country, I had no name… I am not bitter, I don’t hate but that feeling, the déjà vu returns ever so now and then and I have to acknowledge it.  So I am switching off the radio right now. The sun shines too bright for me to walk back into the dark.

Fantasties gedoen deur Nieu-seeland. Well done All Blacks. Nou vir volgende week se finaal! Duime word vasgehou!

Luister na pragtige klassieke musiek op RSG. My Sondag-môre's is ook nie meer wat dit was nie. Ek makeer dringende intervensie. Ek speel met tyd. As die wasgoed nie nou in daai wasmasjien kom nie dan loop daar môre 'n vuilgat in die rondte!

Ek hoop ek raak verslaaf daaraan om te blog, dis so lekker om te skryf. Ek hoop inderdaad dat my vriende my blog geniet. Wat is die kanse dat "blog" blok word? Wonder maar net, dis tog maar 'n blok waarin 'n mens tik!

Ek is lief vir my land. Ons het baie probleme maar daar is iets hier diep binne-in my wat my vertel ons is oppad! Verskillende politieke menings is daar wel baie maar ek glo dat hierdie land se mense so verknog is aan die landskap en die plesier wat dit hulle bring dat hulle dit sal wil laat werk. Ons het veskillende kulture, gelowe ens, 'n land ryk aan diversiteit, dit is ons rykdom. Ons moet die mites van die verlede die nekslag toedien, mekaar respekteer as gelykes. Die armes, die oues van dae, kinders se welsyn moet op die hart gedra word.

I should rest my case now. Half of the day is gone. Outside a sunny day is beckoning. Inside a washing load is moaning! It would be so nice if you could respond to some of my writings.

Love yeah all!

A most beautiful morning, today the 16th October. The sun is peeping from the East, the wind is asleep. Will this be the first day of Spring?

My filming-date is off. It would have been a stunner, those landscapes that I intended to introduce the film crew to. It is a farm about ten minutes drive from where I stay. It lies against a small mountain. Its owners have planted different flowers and trees besides the vineyards that they grow. This time of the year everything is green, colourful and because the farm lies against a slope, one has constantly changing views of the landscape. I live in a beautiful country with a landscape as diverse as its peoples. It is normally during Spring and Autumn that I wish I could have visitors from overseas that I could show around. How wonderful a picnic would have been this morning, hot coffee and cheese sandwiches. OK will still have my muesli and coffee and reminisce about a farm against the slope.

Till later, hopefully after the All Blacks have won. Send Australia packing Richie, you will have to show Pocock a thing or two!

October 16 - early morning

Poetry Africa was great! Hearing poets, singers, musicians from other parts of Africa did it for me, the imbira, oh I still hear it in my head - together with the soothing strings of the guitar it makes for an awesome combination. I am inspired. My wish is to write, much, much more than what I am doing right now. My wish is to swing onto a stage and whilst swaying my body to and fro spit out words that would heal, unsettle, seduce.... and then disappear. My words will come. Time for bed now. Tomorrow I am filming with Weaam Williams, going to recite my poem, yes you have guessed right, "I've come to take you home". Looking forward to that, love the camera! No, I am not arrogant, conceited, it is just that the game of seduction is played so well in front of the camera. Oo la, la, what did I say just now! Sleep tite!

Today 15 October 2011

Well the rugby is finished, another disappointment, pathetic France in the final, would hate it if they should win. Hopefully New Zealand will beat the Australians tomorrow!I went to post a book to a young reader in Wolseley just now, Chandre Manuel your book is on its way! Last night's booklaunch was fabulous. Nicholas Smallberg had ten children aged between 10 and 13 reading from his book. Musician Trudy Rushin was at her awesome best. Lana English was also a revelation with her beautiful voice. A rock-guitarist entertained us too but wow to have a rock-guitar player at a booklaunch was a bit unsettling! Got to get used to it.Strange times. Joanne Petersen a young woman who I had the privilege of travelling with to the States as exchange artists in 2008 has passed away. When we returned from the USA in 2008 she stayed behind with her partner. It was not long after that that I heard she discovered that she had breast cancer. I read sometime ago that she was doing well! Wonder what went wrong? Resolve? We have to make it ourselves. Doctors also make mistakes. We know our bodies, we should act when it tells us something is wrong, yes, we can act - there are many ways, we don't always have to run to the doctor, they get it wrong too and from what I have heard these past few weeks, they get it wrong quite often. Now its for me to take care of my body. Strange enough, I have been eating less healthily these past two weeks but feel better than what I felt in a long time. For me it has a lot to do with the mind too. I have rid myself of negative ones around me, decided to let those who does not want to change go on their crooked path and to rather spent the energy on myself. It works! I just need to get my writing into a rhythm. I must confess Facebook is a big detractor. I will have to decide how I will deal with it. It is either deleting myself from it or get another kind of system, twice a week or so. But I am very happy that I started to blog again. Yesterday I had two sentences coming into my mind. I knew that that was the start of a great poem. Unfortunately I did not have a pen and little book with me! Damn, I lost those two lines! Yet another resolve, carry that pen and paper!Tonight its the Africa Poetry Festival, I was invited - don't know yet who I am taking along. Could be that I will go all alone, might be a good plan. Just for fun I will take my books along and see if I can sell any.The sun is out albeit just just. Huge, swirling clouds in the air, the wind howling, is there a storm brewing? Never mind, I've got to go now, it is Saturday afternoon, going to have some fun!Till next time.

Today 14

Wow, it is the middle of the month OCTOBER. I am attending tonight's booklaunch at the Centre for the Book - Nicholas Smalberg's first book, "Soul's Mission". Then tomorrow night it is the15th Poetry Africa Festival. I am looking forward to hear Gabeba Baderoon, Jaap Blonk from the Netherlands and also to hear how Sandile Dikeni sounds now.

This morning I discovered why I love words!

There are so many stories in my head. My father was a great storyteller. He had one friend "Mr Jansen" an ex-policeman who was injured in an attack by one or other community member. Mr Jansen suffered some brain damage but never lost his composure. He always walked upright and hardly spoke. He only replied to questions. My father and Mr Jansen enjoyed a "dop" (alcoholic beverage) together mostly in "silence" - that means my father did all the talking and Mr Jansen the listening! One day my father sent Mr Jansen to to buy a "dop". It seems as if my dad was really in the mood for talking and telling stories. He poured the drinks and went off on a word binge. After a while there was complete silence again. My father who was fed-up by now burst out, "Jansen! talk man, please talk even if you talk shit, but talk!" This story was relayed to me by my mother. The two of us always curled up with laughter discussing my father and his friends. Both my mother and father were great storytellers, they would have been excellent writers too - I am today the storyteller, the writer they should have been.

Wonderful weekend to all my friends and colleagues, fellow-writers and poets.

dianaferruswords

Wow, rushed home because email warned of tornado that was on its way to Cape Town from Johannesburg. Weatherman on TV said, "it is light years away from the truth". Thanks goodness.

It is cricket on TV, how I wish Australia would get a hiding.

By the way, this is my new blog, watch out for words from me!