I am alive, I am well, I am happy. Gosh, I had to work so hard on how to stay happy. So whilst working on that I discovered that I can do it quite well. I focused on many other things, I worked out a strategy for myself. I discovered that I must do things and not just talk about it. So, now I know that I will be helping out in my community, I am really going to try and make a difference - starting now!

I will be starting something in my hometown and see how it works. It is time to give back. Hallelujah, praise be to God. Stop the attack on our youth!!!

digkuns

Staan doodstil
sak jou hand
kyk vir my
daar is gate
in my hande
'n doringkroon
op my hoof
ek dra nie
lang messe
dit het ek
hom beloof

Hierdie gesprek wil ek afneem
nie op band om dit te bind 
tot voltooid, volbring
maar ek wil met die druk 
van 'n knoppie die geheel vaslê
woorde langs mekaar intiem verbind
Ek wil die beeld teen my mure hang
en nooit vergeet hoe dit geklink het nie

The 8th of July 2013, time flies, a clichè but really how else can one describe it? Time does not stand still, time waits for no-one, indeed clichès but all confirming that time flies! University vac nearly over. I have not taken leave with the students. I am awaiting my chance. I am signing leave to go to the Polokwane Literature Festival. Wow, what a feast! I am looking forward to meet up with my counterparts from the North. I have not been there yet, heard quite a lot about how beautiful it is up there. Looking forward as well to meeting up with Gcina Hlophe, storyteller of note! And then we will be close to August, my month! My birthday on the 29th is a special one - thinking on how I can celebrate it - will be a cultural party, musicians, dancers, poets, storytellers but where? I know I will get a venue soon. Still very cold in Cape Town. today wearing my jacket. Air-conditioning does not work for me - it affects my skin - so I prefer to dress up warmly and do my work. One of my writers-friend Essie Tait died at the age of 74 - quite a shock, she died suddenly. Then a number of activists also dying, Jessica Fortuin, Jean Benjamin, Father John Oliver - I saw Father John Oliver at the McGregor Poetry Festival two weeks ago when he came to my performance! We talked afterwards, he was telling me about the petition against the destruction of the Princess Vlei Dam - the plan is to build a shopping mall there! I am outraged at the insensitivity of the City of Cape Town - it is a very valuable heritage site not too mention its importance for our fauna and flora! There is much to be unhappy about but so much more to be happy about. Be inspired my friends

Another day

Another day, could be described as ordinary or exciting. At work we were busy, the offices are being painted and new students are frantically enquiring about what is available for them. Those that have written exams are more than stressed because access to the university's website is non-existent and they need their results. I take it on my chest, these calls that come - in most cases I try to help but in others I can only offer a soothing word or two.
But there was also something else happening. I was interviewed for a TV programme (was done on very short notice). I don't complain anymore because people keep on telling me that it will be good for my profile. The interview was done by the capable Riaan Visman. I talked about a number of things. And oh we talked about being Khoisan, being Black, being Coloured - I think I gave interesting answers and I wonder what the comments will be from certain quarters!
I felt much better today, yesterday I was upset by certain questions I was asked by someone. I needed to make it very clear who I am and especially where I come from. People should not try to soften me up by telling me that I am a good writer and they like this or that. I will say what I feel like saying because so many died for that right! They should feel good about the fact that I am always trying to be honest with them. I don't want to be put into a box with a label, I had enough of that.
I discovered a nice song on Youtube - I am learning to sing it now, I want to sing more - I know I have a good voice for projection - people have told me - but now I want to put this voice to work even harder, I want to sing! Put on your dancing shoes my people, she is coming to rock you!! Goodnight beloved.

Closing down schools

The thing is, no IT IS about them, the children - them and what their understanding will be of what is happening around them. Yes Mr Grant you may give all kinds of excuses and arguments but there will be thousands of children for whom the closing of their school will be a life-changing event. And I cannot deal with it. I cannot deal with the hurt of a child because I was a child once and I said that never do I want to see the hurt in a child's eye... I will do everything in my power to prevent a child from getting hurt. This is why I am standing up to you and Ms Zille Mr Grant. I will tell others about your unjust intention, the pain you are going to inflict on communities, communities that voted you into power! I suspect that you are slowly becoming aware that your excuses will not be swallowed so easily, unlike the election promises that you made, Ms Zille's dancing and toyi-toying in Mitchells Plain which did not result in anything substantial. The gangster violence and drug abuse in her constituencies are raging unabated - you will  come up with many excuses, blame it on "others" but we will tell the people that you have shown them that you and Ms Zille don't care two hoots about them. Shame on you Mr Grant, shame on you Ms Zille.

Late on a Sunday night

It is the 3 June 2012, late at night. This Sunday was unlike the others. I went to perform poetry at the Anglican church (All Saints) in Belhar. The event was called a "gospel afternoon". What I saw, was powerful. Four young men calling themselves "His men" sang in harmony, goosebump moments it were for me. I was astounded at the talent in our community. These guys could easily grace the internation stage, they would make us proud. After them young girls did some spiritual dancing. Then it was my turn. I am grateful to have been blessed with my talents. I recited poetry, each time giving background to the poems. I had the audience spellbound. I did a lighthearted poem and they loved it. The laughter reverberated through the church. I thought that was good. I ended off by telling the story of Saartjie and reciting the poem I wrote for her. The applause at the end made my day. I am indeed blessed. I am battling to drink it all in. So many times we feel undeserving - there is this thing in me that wants to tell me all the time that I don't deserve this or that I am seeing through the looking glass, it is a myth, or that I will pay for these happy moments, my turn for sad/bad moments will come. Why can't I just accept these glory moments for what it is? Why this insecurity? Will I outgrow this? Only time will tell or maybe there is someone out there who could tell me what these thoughts are, maybe there is a theory out there... let me know when you find it.