Late on a Sunday night

It is the 3 June 2012, late at night. This Sunday was unlike the others. I went to perform poetry at the Anglican church (All Saints) in Belhar. The event was called a "gospel afternoon". What I saw, was powerful. Four young men calling themselves "His men" sang in harmony, goosebump moments it were for me. I was astounded at the talent in our community. These guys could easily grace the internation stage, they would make us proud. After them young girls did some spiritual dancing. Then it was my turn. I am grateful to have been blessed with my talents. I recited poetry, each time giving background to the poems. I had the audience spellbound. I did a lighthearted poem and they loved it. The laughter reverberated through the church. I thought that was good. I ended off by telling the story of Saartjie and reciting the poem I wrote for her. The applause at the end made my day. I am indeed blessed. I am battling to drink it all in. So many times we feel undeserving - there is this thing in me that wants to tell me all the time that I don't deserve this or that I am seeing through the looking glass, it is a myth, or that I will pay for these happy moments, my turn for sad/bad moments will come. Why can't I just accept these glory moments for what it is? Why this insecurity? Will I outgrow this? Only time will tell or maybe there is someone out there who could tell me what these thoughts are, maybe there is a theory out there... let me know when you find it.